Loneliness vs. Solitude

Loneliness vs. solitude

• What is each one?

• How are they different?

• What can each one teach us?

Initially, when I think of loneliness, it makes me sad. Loneliness to me is a sense of feeling alone. It is the sadness we feel when we are alone or the discomfort we feel in being alone.

Loneliness defined (Oxford Languages):

lone·li·ness

noun

“sadness because one has no friends or company.”

Alternatively, when I think of solitude, I feel and think of empowerment. Solitude to me is the choice to be alone. It is the ability to be comfortable in our own company or the feeling of being content with yourself.

Solitude defined (Oxford Languages):

sol·i·tude

noun

“the state or situation of being alone.”

Taking into account both definitions, loneliness is sadness because of a lack of something and solitude is the state of being alone. In solitude, you lack nothing. You are simply in a state or situation of being alone.

Jay Shetty beautifully says, “solitude is the strength of being alone. Solitude is the joy of being alone. Solitude is the power that comes with being alone.”

You can be lonely in a crowd full of people. And you can also be lonely when you are alone. In solitude, there is a sense of confidence and security in being able to be alone. It is brave to be alone. When we take time to be alone, we can know ourselves more deeply without external influences. We discover aspects of ourselves that have not been fully expressed due to our outside circumstances (trauma, fear, safety, self-protection, whatever the case). Here is where we can stay curious…in curiosity, we remain open to what each can teach us.

It is brave to bring yourself out of loneliness by connecting with others. When we feel this sense of sadness because we do not have friends, company, or people that know and understand us, we can connect with new people. We are given the opportunity to pause and to feel into what this feeling is coming from or how we want to feel something different. We can put ourselves out there in order to be seen by others. We can reconnect more deeply with ourselves. This is a practice of play and curiosity to step outside of this feeling of sadness, and ultimately loneliness, and to create a new feeling.

Literally, play with it!

Let it be fun.

It takes time.

Here we can implement the 90-second emotion rule. According to Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard brain scientist (I love the brain y’all), all it takes is 90 seconds to identify an emotion and allow it to pass while you simply sit with it and notice it. It’s all a practice. Let the emotion pass right on by! Notice it and allow it to move through you. Then onto the next feeling!

So if we are looking to create a new feeling, what are we seeking outside of loneliness? Can we find that within ourselves first and then seek to find that in community with others?

Here is a practice for you - take it or leave it: spend a few minutes thinking of your answers to these questions. I invite you to write them down (in a journal, on a piece of paper, or a note in your phone).

• What am I seeking outside of loneliness?

• Can I find that within myself first?

• From there, can I seek to find that in community with others?

  • If yes, where?

  • If not, why?

Thank you for being here and taking up space! I love you.

xo,

Megan C